What About Bob?

Step aside Creepy Fish. I'd like to introduce Bob, my not so new betta. I got him a few days before Christmas, a replacement for Mr. Fish.

My two bettas have distinct personalities. Creepy Fish sits frozen and stares at me with his beady little eyes and I wonder what goes on in what I imagine to be a sinister fish brain. Bob, on the other hand, is a happy fish. It's almost as if he wags his fins like a dog wags its tail.

So, what about Bob? He is a present from Grant, sort of a sequel to the fish story, except there is no ending. We are still in the present and the story is still unfolding.

Should I? Could I? But I'm finally on a first name basis with my fish. It means I no longer need to seek refuge in anonymity. I've taken it up a notch, up to a personal level. That is quite an improvement.

And I'm not just talking about the fish.

The Creepy Fish

When Mr. Fish died while I was in New York last year, a friend of mine felt sorry for my loss of the very first pet I ever had in my life. So she bought me another betta. She didn't want to get the same color betta I had so she got me this blue fish.

I never really warmed up to the blue fish. I call him Creepy Fish, he just sits there and stares at me when I am in the room. His fins don't even move, he's frozen like a statue, really creepy. He reminds me of an episode from South Park, where Stan's fish just sits in the bowl and just stares at him. And this fish is a murderer.

I want to flush Creepy Fish in the toilet. But I don't have the heart to kill him. He doesn't eat so maybe he'll starve to death one of these days. I'm sure he's not at all like Spooky Fish, that's an outlandish thought. But I move his bowl away from my line of sight --just in case. Hehehe!

Bunny Hill

I don't ski.

But I am very good at landing gracefully on my butt while I gingerly navigate my way through the treacherous bunny hill. I am also very good at looking fashionable while I sip my martini at the ski lodge. Other than that, I leave skiing to those who can ski. And that's that!

So when I was invited to go skiing in Vermont last December, I had to decline. The invitation was from my New York rendezvous who I had a mild flirtation with in November. It would have been fun, but I already started dating Grant, so forget Vermont. My girlfriends wanted to slap me because he was a smokin' good-looking dude. I was conflicted, but ended up not going.

Here's me on the bunny hill, if only I had gone skiing...

ToThe Rescue!!

I swear I have some sort of superwoman complex.

My friend Christy called Sunday night and was kinda spooked because she has been hearing weird noises and her dog Bailey has been unsettled, barking at the door as if she hears something. Jon is in band practice and won't be home until 10 in the evening.

So I stayed on the phone with her for a while. A few minutes later, she heard something outside her bedroom door. She thinks someone is trying to get in. I ran out of my house to drive to hers and was on the phone with her all that time. Neither one of us even thought of calling 911.

I got to her house and thank God there was no intruder. I don't know what we were thinking. We can't overpower an intruder. Christy was armed with a bat and I was armed with a broom. Heck, I might even be able to put my kickboxing to good use. Who knows? But I doubt all 86 lbs. of me can do some damage. I'm better off using my nails to hurt someone.

Jon and Grant gave us a hard time about not calling 911. We'll know next time.

Umbrella Weather

I've always wanted to get into black and white photography. I still do. The monochromatic shades of black lends to the starkness of the contrast with white. The absence of color seems to convey the truth about a subject and consequently gives it a deeper meaning.

After "The Attitude" (a caricature of me in a red dress sitting on a giant red apple - see the very first blog post), my "Christmas in Black & White" was unexpectedly successful in portraying an indomitable spirit. The message is: "don't let limitations limit you". I have inadvertently continued with the color theme.

I call this one "Umbrella Weather". It's ironic, really. I love the rain. It is ironic that I have not owned a single umbrella ever.

More to come...

mydragonflydaze

Short Again

It has been three and a half months since I had my hair extensions put in and it is now time to get them out. My hair is short again! It is taking forever for my hair to grow. It has been a year now and I still have baby fine hair and it is still rather short, kinda "Betty Boop-ish", curls and all.

I lost all my hair during chemo. At that time, it didn't really bother me at all. I was told that my hair will start to fall off a week after the first chemo infusion. And a week to the day, my hair did start to come out in clumps. But I was ready for it.

I want to get the hair shaved off that same day, but because it was a holiday, I had to wait the next day. When I walked into a beauty salon the next day and told the hairdresser what I wanted, she remained expressionless and I had to give her credit for that. It must have been hard to bite your tongue when someone walks in requesting all of her hair be shaved off.

When the hair extensions came off, I looked in the mirror and I am reminded of that time not too long ago, a time of infusions and ports, nausea and fatigue, fear and dread on what the future holds for me. Someone close to me said that all of it will be behind me sooner than I think. And today, I am looking back, grateful that it is all behind me.

And it's not just the hair.

OUCH!! @#%#&*%&

Pardon the expletive, but really, OUCH!!!!!!

It is that time again. I went in today for my quarterly scan. It should be a breeze for me by now, and for the most part it is. Except for today. I had to get poked three times and it really hurt!

Today's procedure is called the CT scan and I had to drink that nasty chalky liquid and had to be infused with an iodine and contrast dye. The radiologist administering the procedure had difficulty accessing my vein. Literally she got stuck and tried to thread the needle in my vein for about 3 minutes before she gave up. She tried a different vein and again got stuck. It was painful! Someone else had to do it and it is painful.

I am hoping for good news. My lungs have been severely compromised by pneumonia and a lung infection and my right lung has a narrowed airways. We have been monitoring this since August. I am keeping my fingers crossed.

My Silly Valentine

I don't do Valentine's Day. I simply don't. It's a pretend holiday created and propagated by Hallmark to sell more cards.

So I had to tell Grant that I don't do Valentine's day. We spent the afternoon at the park in Huntington Beach. We brought the dogs and grabbed a couple of sandwiches. And we grabbed a loaf of bread to feed the ducks.

When he said we'll feed the ducks, I thought he meant a flock of ducks that hang out in the park. It turned out to be about 500 ducks, about 300 weird black birds, maybe 200 pigeons, a hundred seagulls, 2 juvenile swans a-honking and a gimpy one-legged duck a-hopping. I swear, it's the twelve days of Valentine's. It was a fun afternoon at the park and the best way to spend Valentine, more romantic than a candlelight dinner.

But Valentine's day wasn't over yet. That evening, he brought over flowers, a present and a big-ass card. Just to give you an idea of the dimension of the card, it is large enough to be used as a car shade, and then some. Silly, but really sweet.

And the best was yet to come! After we got back from dinner, I walked in my room and there were rose petals scattered all over my bed and the floor!

I think I got myself a keeper. That was the best Valentine I've ever had. And I don't even do Valentine's. Go figure.

The Year of The Rat

Kung Hei Fat Choy! I hope I spelled that correctly. It's the Chinese New Year and this is the year of the Rat.

The Rat was welcomed in ancient times as a protector and bringer of material prosperity. The Rat is associated with aggression, wealth, charm, and order, yet also associated with death, war, the occult, pestilence, and atrocities.

It's a new year! To my Chinese friends, Kung Hei Fat Choy! Here's to a prosperous Rat year!

Superbowl

Super Bowl 2008..the Giants won in one of the most stunning upsets in superbowl history! Go Giants!

But what do I care? I don't really like football. I just like the parties. I had a couple of invitations but the two choices I had were not appealing to me. So I called my friend Christy and fortunately, her and Jon were not planning to go to any superbowl party. So we had an impromptu party of our own, just me, Grant, Christy and Jon. And we had a great time!

Instead of chili and fries, we had a seafood superbowl. Christy made clam chowder from scratch and I swear it is the best clam chowder I've ever had. She cut herself and was bleeding for a while, but the alcohol helped, as always. The crab legs and shrimp cocktail were delicious. Great game, great dinner, great company! I drank too much, but heck, it's superbowl!

Siena College

Siena College, my alma mater. Every morning, since kindergarten to my senior year in high school, I've stood line in front of the flagpole located on the upper quadrangle of the school, uttered the morning prayer, sang the national anthem and recited the pledge of allegiance.

Everyday we go through this flag ceremony, except when it rains, and it rains half of the year in the Philippines. And except on holidays or school breaks. Even if I'm late for school, which is often, I stand in a separate line for latecomers and we hold our own flag ceremony before we haul ourselves to the principal's office to get an excuse slip for being late.

Siena College is a private, exclusive girls school, ran by Dominican nuns. Yep, you guessed right, it's a Catholic school. One class is comprised of about twenty students with a total of 4 or 5 sections in each grade level. Everyone knows everybody. And I grew up with a lot of these girls. I am still in contact with some of my classmates since kindergarten!

Because it's a private school, we had to wear uniforms. And we had 3 kinds: the daily uniform worn 3 days a week, the PE uniform twice a week and the gala uniform, worn on special religious holidays when we have to attend mass. We attended mass a lot, we even dedicate whole month to praying the rosary, and we prayed the rosary in lieu of the flag ceremony when it's raining. We had 7 classes in a day (yes, it is a full time school, from the first grade all the way to high school). We prayed before and after each class, so 7 times 2 is 14 plus the morning prayer and multiply that by 12 years I was there, and that's a total of a whole lot of praying!!

I have an upcoming class reunion this month and this triggered memories of school fairs, field days, soirees. I remember being Gretel, dancing with Hansel, costume and all when I was in the 3rd grade. I chuckle when I remember walking in a giant watermelon and coming out with a slice of a real watermelon in my hand and go through a choreographed routine. I remember the food vendors outside of school, selling fried bananas and fried fish sticks, where the method of cooking is highly questionable and the condiments even more so. I remember the religious retreat in my senior year and that turned out to be a big party. The recollection with a Father John was the tear-jerker, made us all cry uncontrollably. I remember sobbing all day long and my eyes were swollen shut.

There are too many good memories, laughter, tears. I can only reminisce and look back with nostalgia and longing for the good old days. I am a different person now, a better person I hope, and still trying to live a full life and make a difference in the world. I now try to save whales; if not, I try to save an edible fish from extinction, at least.

Then and now. We were silly in the old days but now has an aching touch of lost youth in its hint of possibilities: there would always be two paths you can go by, but in the long run, there's still time to change the road you're on.

I'm still the same person but I have evolved, and every day trying to be better. I'm a long way from perfection and I know I'll ever get there. But I'll keep trying.

Siena College...my school had a big influence in my life, shaped me as a person, and a big part of who I am today.